My first encounter with alt. med was with veterinary alt med. The following pieces were inspired by them and is dedicated to all of them.

Bubba Nicky's Organic Grass
Rosemary Jacobs © 1996

If, like me, you are fed up with modern physicians and veterinarians, most all of whom will tell you themselves that they actually expect each and every one of their patients to die someday, and if you don't trust a guy who keeps a huge book on his desk for all the world to see that describes in vivid detail all the horrible things that each and every one of his medicines is known to do as well as everything that is known and unknown about all of these terrible, unnatural chemicals that he sends you to a pharmacy to buy, then you will love Bubba Nicky's Organic Grass, a grass like substance usually green in the spring that grows wild in my garden and which I sell exclusively to special people like you, people with the money to buy it, people who know that "good things don't come cheap."

Of course in addition to being completely organic, Bubba Nicky's is also entirely natural. No nasty plastic particles in it at all. (Researchers have shown that tiny plastic particles shred the digestive tract.) Actually, Bubba Nick's was grown in gardens all over the world for thousands of years. In fact, your grandfather's dog probably ate it. (You do have a grandfather, don't you?)

Because of the manic rage to cut down everything natural that was started and perpetrated by those horrible people who make lawnmowers for profit, knowledgeable herbalists believed that Bubba Nick's had become extinct. Not so. My little 90 lb. Nick, a Royal Canadian Mutt with a great nose who traces his lineage to the great kennels of hunting hounds maintained by Pierre 5th of France and Queen Babs I of England, discovered it five years ago right in my own backyard by a fence post! Nick has been munching it ever since. He says it tastes wonderful. (Why else would he eat it, stupid?) He also says it offers fantastic protection against cancer - especially lung cancer! Did any of your grandfathers' dogs ever have lung cancer? I've searched the literature and haven't come up with a single case!

Of course if this product is good enough for your precious little puppy, you know it is good enough for you, your kids and even your precious mother-in-law. It is so safe in fact that the government doesn't even test it!

Now if you are a cat fancier, I also sell breeding pairs of all natural, organically reared mice, the real food the Lord intended cats to eat. However, since scientists have shown that if you have ever fed your little kitty a commercial cat food (God help you!), the neurons in her little brain that control hunting will most likely have faded to near oblivion, you will have to reactivate them with, you guessed it Bubba Nicky's Organic Grass. Just put a few blades of it in her water everyday for the rest of her life and show her my video, "Teaching Your Cat to Hunt The Natural Way."

Of course if my organic, natural mice are good enough for your cat to eat raw, they are good enough for your mother-in-law too.

DISCLAIMER: Research has shown that mothers-in-law, just like old wives, are as a group a bunch of old fuddy-duddies very resistant to new ideas and scientific discoveries. In one recent study 98.03% of the mothers-in-law told about the benefits of adding raw, whole, fresh-killed, organic mice to their diets got nasty. A few got shotguns which they didn't point at the mice.

My products are considered to be alternative in nature. They are untested by any government agency. Some may even be outlawed in the state where you live. (In which case you should move.) Always consult a health care practitioner well versed in traditional as well as alternative health care before embarking on any course of treatment for yourself or for your beloved pet. Untimely, you are responsible for your own health as well as that of your precious pet. (I think your mother-in-law is responsible for her own health. Ask a lawyer. I can't tell you everything.)

If you buy my products and sell them to your friends or just send me your tax-deductible donations, it will help my pocketbook a lot and enable me and little Nick to continue our research to discover and bring back more of the great, discarded remedies of yesteryear.

(I also sell organic, all natural breeding pairs of mice, organic mouse food, and for those who want to do everything from scratch, organic seeds, soil, and water to so that you can grow your own organic, all natural mice food to rear your organic, all natural mice on. Sorry I haven't bottled sunlight yet, but I do sell a filter to screen out all the impurities known to be in sunlight so that you can remove them before they hit your all natural, organic little plants or your all natural, organic little mice.)

ORDER IMMEDIATELY. WE'LL SHIP AS SOON AS YOUR CHECK CLEARS.

Incidently, some of the proponents of "all-natural, organic" food and remedies for cats are breeders. I don't for the life of me understand how anyone could think that they could breed a better cat than Mother Nature Herself.